Barbiegirl

My thoughts are completely lost right now..

Safe or sorry? I might finally have a change at actually caring about someone again, yet I find myself questioning rather I should even bother or not. I have someone, who potentially is everything I need right now. No commitment, don’t have to deal with everyday type of thing. But sometimes, I want nothing more than to be inlove again. But honestly, I’m not sure I’ll ever have the love I once had, not anytime soon anyway. The last time I dealt with love, it sent my entire world into a whirlwind that spiraled downhill quickly. Do I regret it? No. Do I regret him? Yes. Ever since my last relationship, Iv’e treated men the way they have treated me in the past, like they’re nothing. Honestly, sometimes I think this is the way everyone should be. I have so much fun. I do what I want, when I want too. So, do I want to take the time to try a relationship again? Or continue to do what I want. Comments? 

Well, I haven’t used this in months and looking at my previous tumbles makes me pretty much sick to my stomach. Everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything, has changed. I have a completely different group of friends, no “boyfriend” per say, and have recently moved out of the little town of Moravia, to an even shittier city, Auburn. With time, alot of good things have come to me. I’m much different than I once was and although I have a completely different group of friends and no boyfriend, I believe things are better that way. Moving out of my house was a huge step for me but so far it has not been as difficult as I thought it would be. I live with my two friends, Shayla and Kayla. Many things had changed this summer, considering the “best friend” I thought I had tried having sex with my ex boyfriend after him and I had broke up. That was a huge reality check for me. Actually, that entire relationship was a huge reality check for me. I had never cared or loved someone so much in my entire life, but like all good things, it came to an end. Yet now, I realize it wasnt so much a good thing for me, it was most likely the worst thing that could have happened to me at the age of eighteen. All of that aside, I love where I am in my life right now. I fucked around alot in high school and never really had any responsibilities, now I have plenty things to pay for and worry about while Im on my own. I believe I have grown up an extreme amount and Im ready for what the world has instore for me. 

Looking at my previous posts make me laugh. I havnt been on here in months and so much has changed. I basically hate every person I ever wrote about and changed my life completely..

Finally. I mean, its only my senior year and I, to this day, still had no idea what I was going to do when I graduate, if I even graduate. I wanted to give up and say fuck it, but then I realized how ridiculous that would be. I’m only four months away from graduating. I need to suck it up and just go to school. I think that I have finally gotten that through my head. All of my college applications are being sent out tomorrow and today I finally found out my living arrangements. See, for the last year I planned on going to MCC and just living out in Rochester, but seeing as I never go to school now, why would i waist $15,000 living in Rochester, when I’m not sure if Im even going to follow through with college? It would be much better to waist $1,500 than the alternative. So, starting this summer, I’m getting an apartment with my boyfriend brendon and my bestfriend alex and of course brenny and i are getting a wittle baby pitbull too. I’m excited. I think figuring this out will finally make me get my shit together.

You’re a joke. I just remembered you and laughed a little. Nothing about you is appealing and you might be the biggest fuck in the world. You just make me laugh, tehehehhehe.  Well, thats all.

I love Taylor Reisman<3

Alex Blackman is my bestfriend.

I love my boyfeiwnd, Bwenny Burke with all my little heart<3

We all have limits, don’t we? Seeing as we are all human, I could imagine that every single on of us has limits. Now, seeing as we are all different, we all have different limits. Some people have short limits, others have longer ones, but how do you determine where your limits are? I’m sure youve been pushed over the edge once or twice in your life, well how do you make sure you never reach that limit again? How do you avoid being pushed so far over the edge that your world just goes spiraling downward? Honestly, that’s the place I see my life going currently. Ive been pushed so far past my limits. I see things happening, yet I do nothing about them. I know my limits are being pushed and tempted, but if they really were being pushed so far past reality of handling them, why am I still dealing with the things that are pushing me so far? I understand whats right and I understand whats wrong but is understanding enough? Is understanding that the things that are pushing me past my limits are wrong enough to really push me over the edge? Is it enough to make me give up? Practically all the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusions, so is knowing this enough? Is it enough to know that all your friends, acquaintances, and lovers are there simply just to push you past your limits? Now, for the average person knowing all of these things would be enough to push you so far past the gates your mind has mentally put up, surrounding your heart, but for that one special person, there are no limits, or are they simply just harder to break down than the limits you have with others? And even though those limits are harder to break down, do they effect you more than the average persons mistakes? And can you ever rebuild your limits? Can you rebuild your walls? Can you rebuild yourself? Yet, at the end of the day the only person who can answer all of these questions is yourself.